Dare to Dream: Learn to Let Go of the Things You Can’t Control

Dreaming is fun, beautiful, and life-giving. Making those dreams a reality though is hard. Really hard.

It is still a life-giving, fun and beautiful journey but you will also come across obstacles, barriers, and disappointments that you’ll have to overcome. One of the best ways I have found to keep my head up and stay focused on my dreams no matter what is learning to let go of the things I can’t control.

Why You Need to Learn to Let Go of Things You Can’t Control

If you have a dream in your mind, it becomes your “baby.” You nurture the goal and keep it close. You want to see that dream grow to “adulthood.” You can become very protective of your dream.

Although those feelings are pretty normal, being overly protective our our dreams doesn’t usually end well. Just like being overly protective and controlling with our kids doesn’t turn out well, being overly protective with your dream can actually keep you from achieving that dream.

We are ever-changing beings who exist in a world that is also ever-changing. If you aren’t open to new possibilities and are constantly trying to control things, you’ll just cause yourself more stress.

We can plan and dream all we want about how we’d like our dreams to look but we can’t control what the future holds. You don’t know what will happen along the way. You have to stop resisting anything that doesn’t match your original plan and be willing to follow the natural flow of life.

How to Let Go of Things You Can’t Control

I know that when you are focused on getting to a specific outcome, it can be really frustrating to get stuck along the way. Negative thoughts flood our minds. Negative emotions fill our bodies. We find ourselves doubting our dreams and wondering if we should just give up.

I’m here to tell you with confidence that no, you should not give up.

You should stop worrying and practice acceptance of what is happening. Often, when get out of our heads and make peace with reality, we realize it isn’t as bad as we initially thought.

Here’s how to practice letting go of what you can’t control:

Step 1: Define What You Can and Can’t Control

When a roadblock comes up, take a good look at what is really happening. Sort through the thoughts, feelings and emotions and define:

• What you can control (your own actions, reactions, choices, etc.)
• What you can’t control (other people’s opinions, past events, and natural occurrences, etc.)
• What you can do to keep moving forward.

By concentrating on the changes you can make, and letting go of the pieces you have no control over, you’ll be able to respond to the obstacle without letting it derail you or convince you to give up.

Step 2: Be Willing to Adjust Your Goals and Dreams

Sometimes, our initial dreams need a little tweaking to align better with our current circumstances and capabilities. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed. That doesn’t mean you are giving up. It means you are evolving with your dream.

If you feel stressed because your current dream or goal feels impossible:

• Assess Your Current Situation: Take a step back and evaluate where you are in life. Are there obstacles that are making your original dream unattainable? Are those obstacles in your control? Are they permanent or temporary?
• Modify Your Goals: Adjust your goals, or next steps, to make them more achievable without losing sight of the core of your dream. This might mean finding smaller steps you can take, looking for a new avenue, or giving yourself permission to take a break.
• Stay Flexible: Life is unpredictable. You have to be willing to be flexible in your goals so you can adapt to new challenges and opportunities.

Here’s what this process might look like in real life:

Let’s say your original goal was to become a doctor but as your looking into medical school, you are realizing it is way too expensive for your current financial situation. First, look at your situation and what you can control:

Can you:

• Earn extra income?
• Get a scholarship?
• Cut expenses?

If none of those options seem to fit, move on to step two and look at how you can modify your goal.

Ask yourself:

• Why do I want to be a doctor?
• What is the fundamental core of your dream?

Do you simply want to be involved in the medical field or help people? Is there another way to achieve that goal? You may find that there is a more fulfilling way to achieve your core desire that looks nothing like your original plan.

Step 3: Ask for Help

Although learning to let go is an important part of personal growth, it is a really hard skill to learn. Sometimes when we are in control mode, blinded by past hurts, or distracted by our very loud inner-world, it can be really hard to learn to let go of control on your own.

Remember, you don’t have to go through this journey alone. The bravest people are the ones who know when it is time to stop fighting alone and ask for help.

You could:

• Seek Professional Guidance: Consider working with a therapist or life coach to talk through your challenges, refine your goals, and start letting go of control.
• Delegate Tasks: If a part of your dream feels too burdensome, ask for help! I’ve never met a successful person who reached success all on their own. Ask people to join you on the journey!
• Build a Support Network: Surround yourself with supportive friends, family, loved ones or like-minded people who can offer encouragement along the way.

Step 4: Redefine Failure and Success

When we start working toward dreams, we often get caught up in how it “should look”.

If there is one thing I’ve learned as a professional dreamer its that the process of achieving a dream is just as important and the dream itself.

You have to let the dream take you where its meant to take you, even if the end result looks nothing like your original plan.

Practicing acceptance means you have to be willing to:

• Reframe Your Perspective: Understand that letting go of specific details doesn’t mean you’re abandoning your dream. You’re finding a more efficient or realistic way to achieve your dream but you are still moving forward!
• Adapt to Change: Be open to changes and new directions that your dream might take. The outcome of the detour may even be better than the original goal you set.
• Stay Positive: Find the good things, the little successes along the way, the magic that is fueling you and your dream. Remind yourself that your dream is still alive, even if it looks slightly different than you’d expected.
• Stay Curious: When you struggle to move forward, pause long enough to figure out why. Are you making the same mistakes over and over again that are keeping you stuck? Is your own fear holding you back? Are there aspects of your dream that you need to learn more about to move forward? Always look for ways to learn and grow. Curiosity will keep you engaged and creative, even when things get hard.
• Develop Coping Strategies: I have never said that achieving your dreams would be easy. Worth it, yes. Easy, no. It’s important to learn effective coping mechanisms for when you feel hurt or are dealing with setbacks. You could practice mindfulness, go exercise, try journal writing, or even just chat with a supportive friend. Prioritize your own well-being so that you can have the energy and resilience you need to keep working toward your dream.
• Learn from Adversity: I’ve probably learned more from the nos, challenges and “failures” than I have from my greatest successes. Roadblocks can provide valuable insights and make you stronger. Don’t fight them. Learn from them.
• Set Boundaries: Establish boundaries to protect your time and energy. This might include saying no to activities that don’t align with your goals, taking breaks when needed or even keeping unsupportive people at arms length.

Letting Go of Control Isn’t Giving Up

If you take nothing else away from this article, I want you to remember that learning to let go of control isn’t giving up. It’s a powerful step towards achieving your dreams.

By focusing on what you can control, adjusting your goals, finding alternative routes, seeking help, and redefining success, you can overcome obstacles and stay committed to your vision.

If you want some inspiration to help you let go of control and start working toward the fulfilling life you know you deserve, my new book How to Dream is the roadmap you need. It is full of:

• Practical strategies to overcome self-doubt in a world filled with rampant negativity
• Powerful affirmations to fuel your success
• Actionable steps to put your dreams in motion
• Techniques to develop a growth mindset and become unstoppable

Want a sneak peek?